Doug and I have been best friends since Kindergarten. We raised hell together throughout grade school, junior high, and high school. We have always had each others back and in our day were unbeatable in any athletic endeavor that we were stupid enough to get ourselves in to. This weekend we have met our match.
It came in an innocent enough form. Two cute, messy-haired four footers named Austin and Dalton. The forum was a waterpark in Wisconsin Dells. The protagonists were just trying to be good dads and take their kids for a fun three day weekend getaway and maybe relax for a bit, have a beer and get caught up on what has been going on in their lives, relive some of the glory days, and in general re-bond. Boy, were they wrong.
These kids have no fear and no off buttons. We got to the hotel at 2 yesterday and were in the water by 3. The boys hit every square inch by 3:15 and were on their second go-around when the first lifeguard whistle blew( By the time we took them out of there for supper, we became quite accustomed to that sound.) These two were unstoppable. Just when we had them in one spot and playing calmly by themselves, they would divide and conquer. One kid would run off to a slide way too big for him while the other would try to sneak off into the deep water to play with the older kids who looked like they were having more fun.
Luckily, the lifeguards were also keeping their eyes out. They knew Doug and I on a first name basis thirty minutes into the first afternoon and actually were quite impressed with us. Supposedly, a lot of parents are less attentive to their kids and tend to think of the lifeguards as babysitters, and they could see Doug and I were trying to play with our offspring instead of, and I quote one lifesaver,” just drop their kids off at the pool.”
After the first day of the kids ‘going Toyota’, we thought the worst was over. They had to calm down after the first day, right? Wrong. Way wrong. We managed to drag them out to feed them a couple of times today( a questionable effort because they would slow down with no fuel, right?), but other than that they were hammer down all day. With one of their dads right behind them.
We finally got them showered and calmed down enough to zonk out. 100 to zero in less than 30 minutes, not a record but a hell of an average. I looked at Doug and asked if he wanted me to run down to grab some beers at the hotel bar to drink while we revved down for the day, but I knew the answer before I even finished the query.
“It’s only Saturday,” Doug replied with a look of dread and fatigue, and quickly passed out in his bed.
