I don’t like snakes. Actually, rather dislike them. Thus we’ve come to a mutual understanding. They stay away from me, and I keep as far away from them as possible.
Until tonight. I was walking out the side door to have a beer outside and enjoy the beautiful Wisconsin night. Suddenly I noticed a slithering out of the corner of my eye and looked to see a snake. In my lawn. A motherfuckin’ snake on my motherfuckin’ lawn. I immediately dropped the full bottle of beer on the sidewalk and went back inside resulting in the fact there is now a huge, inebriated, and (I think) very homicidal snake outside that door and the door is now dead to me.
Long story short, could someone come here and give me a hug? And bring beer. Use the front door, as the side door has the aforementioned snake and the back door has been dead to me since the whole mother-in-law incident of ‘06.
